MRI

“Mam, are you okay mam? Mam?”

That left me out of trance. I take deep breathes, and say, “yes.. please continue.”

Again, after a few minutes, the nurse asks me. “Mam, are you okay? Are you sure you are okay? Press the button if you need us. We’re right here. Just a few more minutes.. relax.. think of something that will make you happy.”

The nurse plays music for me. I take deep breathes, and close my eyes. I imagine.

Hey Soul sister by Train. I smile. You’re not much of singer, but you like to pretend you are. You sing along, off tune, and it makes me smile because you do this for me.

All of Me by John Legend. A tear falls down from my face.

I imagine you, like how you are, lip syncing to the song while we dance poorly, I am not much of a dancer. You hold me close, and say “baby, it’s okay..”

I breath heavier, your face fades away. My head starts to hurt. The nurse is telling me, just a few more minutes to get a clear scan, but I am shaking. I can hear you, “it’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here.. calm down. I’m here..” slowly, your voice becomes quiet. I panic. I don’t want to be alone.

The MRI scan is over. The nurse takes me out, slowly and gently. He sighs. “Are you okay? Please sit down for a while, it’s going to be fine..” I can’t hear his voice, my head starts to hurt, and I vomit.

I sit and look around. I am alone. You are not here. You never were. You never came to any of my sessions.

I cry silently, as my attacks overcome me. I tell myself to be brave. I tell myself it’s okay.

Because you know, but you never came anyway.

– you keep me going even after you’ve left. // hrh

Rain

The sky is dark and the rain starts to pour, and I am not bothered because I am prepared. In this country, it is a must to always have an umbrella with you- rain or shine.

But I curse myself as the bus stops and I realize that I have left mine just when I need it.

I tell myself it’s no matter. I can probably hail a taxi as soon as I get off the bus, and I hope it doesn’t rain harder. I am already feeling light headed because of the flu, and the usual Manila traffic isn’t helping either.

“Miss! Wait!”

I pretend not to hear, but the footsteps behind me catches up and I am suddenly shielded from the rain. I look up and see a smiling face, holding an umbrella on both of our heads.

“Hi.. Sorry, but maybe I can help you get a cab? Or walk you to where you’ll go? You might get sick if you get caught in the rain..”

Same scenario of how we met before, and today is your fifth year death anniversary. He has the same eyes as you, warm and kind, and I’ve noticed the law books he was carrying. You’ve always wanted to be a lawyer.

I thought I’ve forgotten you, but here you are again, reminding me of your last words.

I’ll always be there when you need me.

// hrh

 

 

Book Review: Supernova by Marissa Meyer (Book 3 of the Renegades Series)

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Just as I’ve thought that I have ran out of new subjects to read about, Marissa Meyer came up with the Renegades. Superheroes are indeed everywhere in the cinematic world as well as the long standing comics, but not much on Young Adult fiction. I was excited when I read about Meyer’s books, because she already had me hooked with the Lunar Chronicles series.

Supernova is the conclusion to the trilogy The Renegades (Book 2 Archenemies), about the Villain (Anarchist) Nova, who pretends to be a Hero (Renegade) to revenge on her family. She previously lived with the rest of her Anarchists while hiding her uncle, Ace Anarchy, the original villain, who was also captured on the end of Book Two: Archenemies, before Nova was given a chance to hand him back his helmet (which amplified his powers, which she stole from the Renegades.) She is also torn as she already finds herself falling for her Renegade Captain and teammate Adrian Everhart, also the adoptive son of Captain Chromium and the Dread Warden, the original Renegades who defeated Ace.

Nova has had a lot of progress during the first two books where she struggles with her inner morals. I was really excited about how they would end the series, but I have been disappointed as I feel like a lot of things were rushed and a lot of questions were unanswered. Meyer has long said that it is only a trilogy, but I think, based on the ending, that there will be a spin-off of some sort and I would be really upset if there wouldn’t be.

Just thought that the plot needed some much more spinning. I think Marissa wanted to move on from Nova’s story to highlight a new character, but I think it should have been two more books. Also, we’ve already guessed some of the things unveiled in the story based on the plot of the two books so I think it downgraded the effect of the revelations and fight scenes in most of the climax. I like Marissa’s style, I just hope she left some mystery that isn’t really obvious and opened it with a bang in Supernova. Honestly, the Epilogue is the only thing you wouldn’t have guessed, and this is why it needs more books.

I love it- but I wasn’t awed by it like the first time. I, however, still recommend the books to anyone who wants the old YA drama with a somewhat refreshed slate.

One cannot be brave who has no fear.

Overall Rating: Image result for starsImage result for starsImage result for starsImage result for stars

Book Review: Strictly Between Us by Jane Fallon

Jane Fallon made me fall in love with her works when I first read Getting Rid of Matthew. She has a funny, witty, yet classy writing style. It’s a shame really how it took me weeks to finish this one.

Strictly Between Us routes on the usual retelling of adultery- just with a different scene. I honestly have yet to find a book of Fallon’s that diverts from this topic. This always seem to be the plot for literally all her books, so on the first chapter when it was described, I didn’t even want to continue with it.

All the characters are also pretty much the same. The protagonist is a woman, may be successful but lacking in the romantic department, or is a struggling middle aged woman who moans about her lack of adventure. The women in these books are starting to be depressing.

There is nothing much to be said about the main character, Tamsin. I found her to be very plain and quite boring. I also think that she is unfair to her best friend Michelle and should have just told her the truth. It’s all lies and we all know that never gets anywhere.

My dear Jane, this is the fifth book of yours I’ve read. Please give me some new material. It’s rather a pity- I really admire you as a writer, but the stories are redundant and there’s nothing fresh about them anymore. I’ve always thought you write rather well on Getting Rid of Matthew, even with the third person point of view. I loved Helen even though she was a cow in the story. Let us connect with your characters more.

Overall Rating: Image result for starsImage result for stars

Book Review: The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

The Iliad has always been my favorite, though not for the love of Greece but of Troy. The mighty Hector is close to my heart, and I pity his fate and of the Trojans who were only casualties from a war brewed by the senseless pride of the gods. I cannot stress enough how much I hated Achilles for killing Hector. Hector, my mighty Hector, tamer of horses, and the most pious Prince. I have loved how he was one of the champions in mythology who was often told to act for the greater good. The Greeks in the Iliad were mostly depicted as barbarians. I think the Iliad, although a tale of Greece, was always made to highlight the tragedy of Troy.

This book has surprised me. I must be honest that I do not usually read books with themes as such, but this.. this one I recommend to others like me who are fans of mythology.

I am sorry, Hector, but this has given new light to Achilles and of why he is considered as one of Greek Mythology’s mightiest heroes, next to Perseus and Heracles. It was told from Patroclus’s point of view, and it made me understand him better. The writing style is light and yet it takes you back to the old age when gods would interfere with mortal matters. I admire the storytelling involved. Most people shun books that use words that are not common and hard to comprehend, but I did not have trouble with this.

Miller has mastered how to connect with the readers. She has made Achilles is much more than how Hollywood depicted him to be on countless movies about him. He is a true Demigod. I love how this mighty hero cannot be wavered by all or anything but his love for Patroclus. I have felt how pure and genuine their love was for each other, how Patroclus is what grounds Achilles to his mortality. I also want to note that how despite of war they had tried their best to keep their dignities somehow intact. The character developments are exciting as they are spiral and they add spices to the story, even minor ones like the other soldiers in the war.

But of course, my opinion might be based on how Achilles was so much like Percy in this book. The bravery, the invincibility, the hubris, and of course, the loyalty to Patroclus- all traits of a great Greek Demigod.

Overall Rating: Image result for starsImage result for starsImage result for starsImage result for starsImage result for stars